As a parent of 3 children, I attend a lot of parent teacher
conferences. Due to my position in our school, I have the privilege of
attending, participating in , and observing many, many more, some good, and
others not really going as planned.
Too often once the teacher(s) start, the parents and students become
disengaged and don't hear a word being said, but many times I understand why.
The ratio of negative statements to positive ones can be the cause. I have been
guilty of this myself. I have led conferences knowing I will only have the
attention of parents for 10-15 minutes, so I had better bring up as much as I
can. It comes down to an intentional decision as an educator. Am I looking for
the good in my students, or am I looking to prove that they aren't perfect. The
words I choose to use have a lot of power. They can encourage or they can
discourage.
It's not our fault; our brains are wired this way. We might have a
great day, perfect by all accounts, except for the one thing that didn't go as
we had planned. What do we remember and talk about when asked to describe our
day? The one disappointment, of course! Our mind is programmed to find fault.
We may have the best of intentions, but again, our brain's wiring gets in the
way.
I remember one conference from another school district I observed in
particular. A young girl and her parents entered the classroom and sat down.
There was a little small-talk, after which one of the teachers asked the girl,
"So how do you think school is going this year?" The girl responded, "Good! I
love school! I like my teachers and all of my classes. I have good grades." I
remember she did. There were no real academic concerns that anyone had for
her.
This conference was going well. At that point, each of her teachers
pulled evidence of her learning out of prepared folders to present to her
parents, and here is where the problem started. Every single piece of evidence
presented were her worst pieces of work to date. "Look at how careless she is
with her work." "Do you see how many mistakes she makes." "She needs to take
more time and show more effort."
What started as a good conference turned into a situation where this
young girl felt ashamed. Her parents were clearly upset with her, and she left
deflated. In the span of 10 minutes she went from loving everything about
school to being embarrassed because she wasn't a good student. Again, there
were no real academic concerns about her. I felt aweful seeing this take
place.
The minimum ratio of positive comments to negative should be 5:1, and
those 5 positive comments should be carefully planned to be ones in which the
child will find value and pride. It is at that point which other concerns can
be brought up. In this particular conference, it would have left this young
girl proud of what she had accomplished and ready to tackle any difficulties she
was having.
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